


April Fools

by PetrichorPerfume



Series: Shenanigans [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: April Fools' Day, Castiel Woke Up This Way, Crack, He's a Girl Now, Insecure Castiel, M/M, Michael and Lucifer are actually capable of acting like adults, More like Magically Transmitted Diseases, Multi, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, So done, Well part of him is, actual crabs, adam wins, crabs, jesus the penis, michael is just done, surprise, yeah he's back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 11:38:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1981515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They’re each allowed one rule on April Fool’s Day. </p>
<p>Michael’s is, “Let’s not do April Fool’s this year. Please? Maybe?”</p>
<p>Dean’s is, “Baby is Off Limits.” </p>
<p>Gabriel’s is, “Don’t touch my candy. Or else.” </p>
<p>Lucifer’s is, “Don’t touch my human. Or else.” </p>
<p>Sam’s is, “Please don’t mess with my hair. Or the refrigerator. Or- Yes, Luce, I know that counts as more than one rule, will you shut u- Oh, fine. Just leave my hair alone. No, Gabe, that doesn’t make me a girl. It doesn’t make me Rapunzel, either, Castiel. Dean, tell your boyfriend to lay off the Disney movies!” </p>
<p>Castiel’s is, “As long as I can still have sex with Dean, I’m good.” </p>
<p>And Adam’s is, “God, Mike, will you please stop asking me? Ugh, just tell them not to kill each other, okay?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	April Fools

They’re each allowed one rule on April Fool’s Day.

 

Michael’s is, “Let’s not do April Fool’s this year. Please? Maybe?”

 

Dean’s is, “Baby is Off Limits.”

 

Gabriel’s is, “Don’t touch my candy. Or else.”

 

Lucifer’s is, “Don’t touch my human. Or else.”

 

Sam’s is, “Please don’t mess with my hair. Or the refrigerator. Or- Yes, Luce, I _know_ that counts as more than one rule, will you shut u- Oh, fine. Just leave my hair alone. No, Gabe, that doesn’t make me a girl. It doesn’t make me Rapunzel, either, Castiel. Dean, tell your boyfriend to lay off the Disney movies!”

 

Castiel’s is, “As long as I can still have sex with Dean, I’m good.”

 

And Adam’s is, “God, Mike, will you please stop asking me? Ugh, just tell them not to kill each other, okay?”

 

At 12:01 on April 2nd, Adam is inordinately proud that his was the only rule that was actually obeyed. “I win, motherfuckers,” He says.

 

Here’s the story of how the other six were broken.

 

***

 

Dean knows better than to drink or eat anything from the bunker’s refrigerator or cabinets on April Fool’s Day. From toothpaste Oreos to ketchup filled soda bottles to strangely-colored bread, nothing was sacred.

 

He drags Sam, Castiel, and Adam (he could care less about the others) outside, thinking that they’ll spend the day out and about and have breakfast at a dinner that won’t give them food poisoning. Then he sees it.

 

His Baby, covered in post-it’s. “You assholes had better not have ruined the paintjob,” he shouts at the bunker’s closed door. He removes the sticky notes from the windshields and windows and climbs in. Castiel climbs in beside him and he smiles at his mate. “You cold, baby? I’m cold.” He cranks up the heat and glitter comes flying out of the vents. “Fuck!”

 

Castiel makes a little disappointed noise and Dean looks over to him. “The fuck is your problem? You’ve been acting weird since you woke up.” He shakes his head. “Wait... Did you do this?”

 

“No!” Castiel says. “Why do you always blame me for everything? It’s like you don’t care about how I feel or that I have feelings, too! Maybe you should just break up with me, Dean. Huh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Maybe you should just kill me now!” He folds his arms and looks out the window.

 

“What did you do, grow a vagina while I wasn’t looking?”

 

Castiel stiffens.

 

“You...”

 

“I woke up this way, okay? Don’t fucking judge me, Dean, or I swear to God I will end you!” He pouts harder.

 

“I think you hurt his feelings, Dean,” Sam says.

 

Castiel turns around and growls at him. “You, too, Winchester, or I will throw you back in the Pit myself!” He glares at Adam. “Would you like to add anything, Adam?”

 

Adam makes a pained face. “Uh... Um... You’re looking great today. Have... Have you lost weight?”

 

Castiel’s face brightens. “You noticed? I lost a half a pound in the last month. Dean hasn’t said anything because he’s a horrible lover.”

 

Adam breathes a sigh of relief and Dean rolls his eyes as he pulls away. “You didn’t say that last night when I was-”

 

“I’ll castrate you if you finish that sentence,” Castiel warns.

 

They spend the rest of the trip in terrified silence.

 

 

Meanwhile, Back at the Bunker:

 

 

“Lucifer, what did you do to my candy?” Gabriel doesn’t even bother using his human voice. He just lets his true form shine through and allows his Heavenly wrath to crack the concrete walls of the bunker.

 

Lucifer strolls in with a mouthful of candy. “I ate it.”

 

“You did _what?_ ”

 

“I. Ate. It.”

 

Gabriel sinks to the floor and starts to sob. “Do you have any idea how long it took me to get all of it? There was candy from Ancient Rome! From the end of days! There was ice cream that Ben and Jerry’s has since discontinued!”

 

“Lulu, maybe you should give him back his candy,” Michael says. “He looks so distraught!” He really hates seeing Gabriel this upset, even if it _is_ over candy.

 

Lucifer pulls him out of the room. “How stupid do you think I am?” He whisper-shouts. “I’d never _get rid_ of his candy. He’d never have sex with me again. I just made it invisible until tomorrow.”

 

“Oh,” Michael says. “But still! He’s so distraught!”

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes. “He’ll get over it.”

 

“No. He’ll get _back_ at you,” Michael warns.

 

“Eh, whatever. Let’s go have breakfast.”

 

“No tricks?” Michael asks.

 

“No tricks,” Lucifer assures him.

 

 

Meanwhile at the Diner:

 

Gabriel appears on Sam’s lap, much to the annoyance of Sam and the surprise of other patrons of the dining establishment. “I’m here to get even,” he growls, raising his fingers to snap.

 

“What did I do?” Sam asks, horrified.

 

“Nothing. Lucifer broke my rule, so now I’m going to break his!”

 

Sam holds up his hands in surrender. “But Gabe, I’m your mate, too!” He whimpers. “Please don’t hurt me!”

 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Gabriel promises. “Much.”

 

Sam screams when Gabriel snaps. His luscious locks of hair fall from his head and he starts to bawl. “My hair!” Gabriel snaps again, and his skin turns purple. “My skin!” Gabriel snaps a third time. “My Jesus!”

 

Gabriel dismounts and snaps one more time for good measure.

 

“He gave me crabs,” Sam whines as he starts to scratch himself furiously. He peers down the waistband of his pants and an actual crab crawls out.

 

“Do you think the food is safe to eat?” Adam asks, poking his waffles catiously.

 

Dean shrugs. “Probably not.” He digs in anyway.

 

 

Fifteen Minutes Later:

 

They arrive back at the bunker fifteen minutes later with horrible food poisoning. Michael cures them, then glares pointedly at Gabriel, who glares pointedly at Lucifer.

 

“At least they promised us free food if we didn’t sue,” Dean gasps.

 

***

 

The rest of the day is filled with increasingly horrible pranks.

 

Poor Castiel is made junkless by Lucifer around noon, and Gabriel gives Sam herpes at one.

 

When Dean goes to the refrigerator for a drink, he finds that all the water has been replaced by ocean water and all the coke has been replaced by carbonated soy sauce.

 

Michael gives up trying to fix everyone’s mess by three.

 

By the time midnight rolls around, Castiel is whimpering in the corner, Gabriel is _still_ trying to get even with Lucifer, Adam is naked and covered in tar, Dean hasn’t eaten in eighteen hours, Lucifer is covered with spikes, Sam’s skin is rainbow-colored, and Michael is _so_ done with everyone’s shit.

 

He snaps and turns everything back to normal. “I _will_ put you on different planets next year,” he says as he storms out.

 

Adam grins. “I win, motherfuckers.”


End file.
